I was thinking about something that I have been wanting. I have said out loud that I want it....and I have said out loud that I will let God decide if I get it. But......I don't know if I have really accepted that I may not get it, or if I get it it's because of my free will and not God's plan for me. God has an opinion on it but, am I really listening?
I was thinking about Balaam in our reading several days ago. He wanted to go to talk to the Moab leader b/c the Moab leader was tempting him with things and riches. He wanted to follow God.....but he wanted the stuff too. God told him that he is not to go. Balaam kept pushing over and over. Finally God told him to go..... not b/c it pleased God....but b/c that was what Balaam wanted and he has free will.
How many times in my life have I done the same thing as Balaam. God has let me go.....given me what I wanted......but it was not what he wanted for me.
I'm so caught up in the thought today. -nic
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